Kauren Kardashian

----- I want to throw a hoarder themed party at YOUR house! -----

Cute Patrol!

Meet the sloths from Amphibian Avenger on Vimeo.

Last Saturday night there was a purple lace thong tacked to my apartment bulletin board. Typically this board displays moving sale signs, and once, a lost AA badge! But Saturday a PURPLE LACE THONG!! All I wonder is who picked up the thong. Picking up a strangers thong is like picking up poop! I proceeded to drink tons of whiskey and rant on about this all night. Somehow this story evolved to the Victoria Secret Pink Collection, to micro needle face rollers, to this text to Lisa: "Hah just triedw to get a cab andw almost got run over. Safestranger,com i guess, e0ven thoughcrazystyle" That makes sense! CUTE!

The next day I was wearing cutoffs and a lady stopped me to say, "Miss u gotta string hangin between your legs.. But I think it's kinda sexy!"

I want to make a sloth backpack, now that would make people vomit with cuteness!

Drinking Makes You Pretty..

The Hills Have Styes

Just a useless collection of amazing quotes, with stills, from The Hills. Now that I have the internet at home I am successfully loosing tons of brain cells by the day. It likes huffing paint electronically!

Botflies are Getting Under MY SKIN!

I may be a total creep but I listened to this story on Radiolab about botflies and whowza! They kind of rule in a disgusting, popping a pimple way!

They are parasites that feed off mammals and occasionally deposit larvae in humans. Once the larvae is deposited they dwell under the skin and feed off your FLESH! ZOMBIE FLIES! The guy on Radiolab said his grew to be the size of an EGG! The only way to kill them is to block their air supply which is a tiny follicle that sticks out of your skin. Rumor has it you can tie a steak to the spot and the botfly will suffocate and burrow it's way out through the steak thinking it is your flesh. RADICAL BADICAL!

I'm Playing the Air Clarinet!

a very thoughtful poem for nick:

remember when we had fun
remember when we laughed
remember when we danced
remember when we smiled

remember when HEAVY METAL VIDEO STORE picked me up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

highlight of my universe!

p.s. speaking of heavy metal - heavy metal aerobics! so hard! so sweaty! so fun!

http://www.workshopsf.org/

One OLD HOOKER BAG!

Time to load up on SPANX and LUBE!




Best Birthday EVER!!!

Screwheads and Dickwipes!

Sound Bubble Baths!

In efforts to do as many fun things as possible this summer, I finally went to the Integratron!! Lisa, Jonathan, Darwin and Max (the little pup) joined for some sound healing. It was freakydeekycool!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.integratron.com/
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From their website:

The Integratron is the creation of George Van Tassel, and is based on the design of Moses’ Tabernacle, the writings of Nikola Tesla and telepathic directions from extraterrestrials. This one-of-a-kind building is a 38-foot high, 55-foot diameter, non-metallic structure originally designed by Van Tassel as a rejuvenation and time machine. Today, it is the only all-wood, acoustically perfect sound chamber in the U.S.



Afterwards we went to BIG Rock, which was a BIG Disappointment!!

Hug a Sloth for Your Health

I am starting to see the appeal of quicksand and mud fetishes.

Colombian adventures Round 2!

Mud baths in volcanoes come complete with a massage or in my case a little groping. Then ladies strip off your bathing suit and dunk you in the lake before you can say HOLA. It is all very sexy!

This little guys name is Pepe Jose. He lives in a tree at the monastery. Sometimes he likes to give you a little hug. I was so excited I could barely keep my eyes open.

I'm Moving to Portmeirion

I am addicted to renting tv series and watching them down to the extras. The Prisoner is probably the best thing I have rented in awhile. Can someone kidnap me and force me to live in the village? Sexy maids, sexy stripes, sexy Patrick McGoohan!!!!!!!!

The village where The Prisoner was filmed is still intact and is going on my places I need to visit. The town is Portmeirion in Northern Wales. I better start working on my striped cape costume!

3 cups of Colombian coffee = BUTTBLASTER

I need more siestas in my life!!!

Limo Rides to IN and OUT!!

The only way to really go to IN and OUT in style is via Oakland's finest, The Limousine.

http://www.thrillist.com/oakland/limousine

Henry, the driver, smiled once when we were leaving and paying up. He loved us so!!

And I Knows They Were Drinkin...

Camping Highlights:
Looking slutty
Hot springs with hot sluts
Juiced up guys in their juiced up cars
Hill billy bonfires with fire logs falling out
Calling our rental car which was a Ford Explorer an ESCALADE
Lots of American flag waving
Four Loco and bagged wine
Changing our names to Laurenellen, Meghanellen, Lizellen, Chelseaellen, Adriennellen of Glen Brooke Ellen
Overhearing the camping neighbors file a noise violation against us, "And I knows they were drinkin.."
Then leaving and turning on the radio, only for Born to Be Wild to be playing, and pumping it up MAX VOLUME and screaming and shouting while waving flags and bikini tops out our window for the camping neighbors!!
The CHODE

Bikini Bods of 3 year olds.

Hopefully summer is a lot like this; flamingo sunglasses and gay dogs!

America's Next Top Garage Sale

There is no doubt that Nick takes the cake as America's Next Top Garage Sale Model!!!!

Happy Almost Birthday Lisa!!!

Mr. T YOU LOOK GREAT!

Thanks Fran for letting me know that today is Mr. T's Birthday!! Man you do a google image search on him and you find more treasures than a girl could ever dream of!

Mr. T Happy Birthday! HOT!!!